The Shiney Ahuja rape case left me wondering about not only the psychology of an educated man and an economically backward maid, but what struck me more was the constant public denial of the wife. I was thinking of the immense hurt she must have felt, but there she was defending her husband all the way and firmly sticking to the marriage. How could she do it? Whatever she said and showed to the media, my heart could not believe. She denied even though her husband himself accepted the rape. Heart of hearts even the wife must have always known it all to be very much true, once the initial disbelief subsided. Then what made her fight for her husband? I couldn’t understand! But I know this is how women are.
There is one acquaintance of mine who is fighting with herself in a bad marriage. Her scheming in-laws have gone to the extent of lodging a false case of harassment against her, while actually they are the once who are harassing her. Her husband, though he does not abuse her in anyway, he is not willing to leave his parents, indirectly supporting whatever his parents are doing. This lady is from a good family, educated and working. She knows her husband does not love her, but still she cannot leave him! Crying everyday and clinging to the remote hope of good days arriving some day!
Another example of another acquaintance- She could not adjust with her dominating mother-in-law. Being quite well-off her husband bought two separate houses for his mother and for her and their children. But mother being senior and dominating, he takes his meals with her. The wife & children meet him only for sometime because he is busy with his business. They get to be truly together only on outstation vacations. Although she is always smiling and talking to everyone in the neighborhood, it is difficult to hide the ‘trying to be happy’ expression.
There are women whose husband is working in foreign countries, who visit only once a year. There are women who tolerate lots of things for the sake of the children. My own neighbor is one example. She is not Indian, her husband is. She was not happy with her husband, always busy with his work. They had a mutual separation, once the children grew up and had settled in job and marriage. Now they both live alone separately. But she is happy living on her own terms. She is in touch with her husband & has no complains regarding her husband living with another woman!
There are several such examples around us. A bad marriage may lead the man to stray, but women rarely do. I thought it is only the poor, uneducated women who go on tolerating and suffering a bad marriage. It is not so. This nature of women is quite universal. And may be this tolerating, adjusting nature of women is the cause of this universe still existing and still livable. No wonder we address the earth in feminine gender, Mother Earth. Women voluntarily step back to let the men step ahead.
Strange World of Women
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February 24, 2010 at 9:53 pm
very profoundly touching article. Things on the surface appear to be changing, but the ground reality, unfortunately, remains the same. Women willingly suffer emotional and even physical abuse, because they are know the label – loose woman will be branded on their forehead. Men will eye and the women will want to keep their husbands, brothers, etc. away from women who are divorced. Many women realise the loneliness of such lives and hence, prefer to stay put in bad marraiges. And, if there are kids, then the women and their families will do everything to keep the sham of marriage alive.
The examples you describe, I’m sure,are common across every section of the society, and across every state of India.
As for the parents savings,even insurance ads talk about bete ki padhai and bitiya ki shaadi. Never the other way around.
February 25, 2010 at 12:11 pm
February 22, 2010 at 10:18 pm
This is an ongoing issue and it is very difficult to stop this in Indian culture until there is a social upliftment.
February 22, 2010 at 11:11 pm
February 23, 2010 at 9:59 am
February 23, 2010 at 11:57 pm
February 23, 2010 at 1:43 pm
February 23, 2010 at 10:10 am
February 22, 2010 at 6:21 pm
February 22, 2010 at 5:56 pm
You have written a great article but I feel that you could have also added that it is the Indian Woman who is one of the most compassionate of her kind. There is no doubt that we men need to learns a lot from women in this regard. I sincerely hope that most of the men who read your article realize this.