The Made for Marriage show of Raakhi Saawant has come to an end.
The brains at NDTV imagine should have started itching again. Since they did not have anything to produce for entertainment, after a lot of scratching they had conceived a ‘made for marriage’ show with an item girl to consume the imagination of public and create a market for selling condoms and cosmetics.
Now that the show is over they need to find the next theme for their show. Hope they don’t come up with a sequel to ‘Made for Marriage’ show as a ‘Show all Shanti Mooharath’.
Ofcourse I am not serious.
It is not as if the institution of marriage is never going to be the same again due to this stupid show. It is not that meaning of marriage from now on gets changed to ‘competing and qualifying to get garlanded by Raakhi Saawant or some item girl’.
I have no issues with whatever non-sense a commercial channel comes up with, to create a market for its advertisers. Except for the fun and foolish element, there is nothing in it to talk about.
Raakhi’s choice as usual, is an Indian origin ‘Businessman’ living abroad, as it happens to all outdated Indian actresses. The comical elements were the other participants and finalists in particular. The winner is NDTV, while the losers are the people who talk and write about it, including this blogger.
Though marriages are not made in heaven, they are not made in swayamvars too. Marriage in Indian concept is about friendship. It is a promise of friendship between the couple to keep up their friendship, inspite of all the physical, logical, mental shortcomings of the couple.
In Hindu Dharma this friendship between the couple leads to love and that love leads to sex between the couple. In those times, that’s why men and women were married off at a very early age that they find this friendship, love and sex between them. And that sex between the couple reinforces the love and friendship they have. But the basis of love and sex between the couples is the friendship. This is the vow of friendship every hindu takes in Saptapadi mantra, going around the fire.
Raakhi does not provide this promise of friendship, for she has no idea about her choice, except that he loafed around her for the TV. Nor she is a docile old girl going to take her husband’s diktats lying down, becoming a slave. She says “I am ready to get married now, but we need to understand each other better off camera. We will soon get married in front of all of you in keeping with all our traditions”.
She has chosen somebody for the camera and God knows what her real plans are. Anyway that’s her problem, though she enacted it in front of camera.
For those who want to get married, just a word of caution.
Believe me. Real Love needs lot of hard work. It takes time to build that love. Sometime it may take a decade. Sometimes a century. It needs lot of patience, compromise and commitment to build love between people. It just does not happen in a second.
It is best to choose a partner who has similar value systems as your own. And build your friendship with that partner. Your partner is not your servant, master, parent or child. Your partner is your first and best friend. Ensure your partner becomes your first and best friend in life.
This is what Saptapadi mantra has to say:
“By these seven steps we have now become friends. Let our bonds of love be there forever. I will never part your love. Let you also never part my love. Let us be together. Let us think together. By loving each other, let us live amicably well. Let us enjoy all happiness and good things together. Let our aspirations, ceremonies and minds come together. Let us have everlasting friendship”
Saptapadi mantra
Recited in every Hindu marriage ceremony
Ashwalayana Grhyasutra 1-7-19
-TBT
January 27, 2010 at 2:10 am
August 10, 2009 at 11:40 pm
That was the best line in this article. Excellent thought, TBT.
You seem to understand the mind of cunning women more than we ordinary ladies do. I have always been frustrated with my ugly look thnking Rakhi was god-gifted. But your views have thrown so much light.
Keep publishing such enlightening articles for us.
August 10, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Even normal women don’t consider their bodies as an asset to be immolated to glam. Am I right, TBT?
August 10, 2009 at 3:50 pm
TBT, which do u thnk is precious for a person-the Rakhi type beauty or moral values?
August 10, 2009 at 12:59 am
The media ppl like Rakhi make me feel like that.
August 9, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I am not sure what your problem is.
If it is jealousy, then you should understand that trying to aspire what others have will cause only dissatisfaction.
None in this world will get what others got. Even the richest man can be jealous about a beggar. There is no end to it.
If Raakhi has something, you have something. Raakhi is successful in her way. You are going to be successful in your way.
Probably you should try to make your parents, friends, teachers be proud of you. May be by success in education, human qualities etc.
Or you may become successful with your wife or kids as you grow up by getting their love, while Raakhi may or may not be successful on that front.
What the popular actor whom you feel jealous for gets cancer and dies, like it happened to Jade Goody..? Are you ready to get it too and die..?
So reform yourself. Come out of your shell..? Have self-respect. You are going to be successful and useful to world in some way that you don’t know today.
-TBT
August 10, 2009 at 9:01 pm
August 10, 2009 at 9:28 pm
It seems you want to be an object of desire. An object that people admire. It is abnormal, if it is excessive.
Desire to achieve something. Desire to be admired by people for your actions. Desire to be admired for not what came to you, but what you gave to others.
-TBT
August 9, 2009 at 9:18 pm
What is the way out for people like us to cope up, TheThnkBig?
August 9, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Dont be jealous of Raakhi’s perceived beauty.
Getting a handsome dude is not the final aim of one’s life.
You may get a great dude who treats you with lot of love and respect, if you happen to cultivate your love.
No one gets what others get in this world. Definitely you will be successful with someone, whom you don’t know today. Be good to people and do your work peacefully and happily.
Let your peace and happiness reflect in your face. You will appear very attractive to others inspite of your pimples.
Read the response I gave to Pillai.
-TBT
August 8, 2009 at 11:52 pm
I am good in studies and can get good job, but still cant get the Rakhi type beauty and glam.The recent hype of glam is making me feel more depressed, how do i cope up with this,TBT?
Pls advise….
August 8, 2009 at 1:38 am
friendship + love = Marriage. After all, marriage means sharing EVERYTHING with one’s spouse.
And can I make a request? I am a regular follower of your posts, and I always diligently follow the debate in the comments section. Could you please use the “Reply” button below each comment to reply to it. Because it gets a little difficult to follow when I have to search for your replies.. I think it will help the original comment-ers also find your replies easily.
Thanks.
August 8, 2009 at 6:56 am
Following ur advice now.
-TBT
August 8, 2009 at 1:10 am
Well, Rakhi Sawant with her glam sexual image seems a lot happier than the ordinary Indian housewife who is made to work hard for her “best friend”. Rakhi in contrast will be the queen of riches and luxuries. What do u make of that, TheThnkgBig?
August 8, 2009 at 6:56 am
Happiness is a state of mind. There is no one who is happy in this world, unless they understand it.
An average Indian housewife does not have all the luxuries of time and money that Raakhi has, for she does not have the body and mind Raakhi had, for she is not ready to make all the compromises Raakhi did etc.
But an average Indian housewife can enjoy a lot of human relationships from loving husband to sons to grandsons to relatives.
While Raakhi is the solitary decorative plant in front of a home, which is going to be celebrated as long as it looks beautiful and then replaced by something else, an average Indian housewife is like a big tree in the garden, which most probably will live its life, though it looks bit ugly and poor compared to the decorative plant.
Raakhi will also become a tree to survive in this jungle at some point of time.
-TBT
August 8, 2009 at 1:03 am
Well, I happen to have married a German born Indian businessman 2 years back. But I did not make the choice due to Rakhi Sawant’s loafing concept. Could I be hence called as outdated as well by your judgement, TheThinkBig?
August 8, 2009 at 6:47 am
If you were an actor and not pursuing it now, yes, you could be called an outdated actor.
I had used it from the view that most actors chose marrying a NRI businessman as their way of settling in life and quitting cinema.
And if you have also done that you are no exception!
-TBT
August 7, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Husbands torture wives and they are perverted wanting to get into female bodies, so, how can they be “best friends”?
I have lesbian girl friends also but they don’t get into my bodies like my husband does. They r more understanding n show empathy.
Truly, a female mind only a female can understand.
August 7, 2009 at 9:21 pm
There are some people who wish to live in couple relation and there r those who like fashion sex. Rakhi loves fashion sex, so, the Hindu concept doesn’t apply to her case.
Modern sex is changing, and it’s good if religion and society learns to accept these as normal so that life becomes modern and rich.
August 8, 2009 at 6:43 am
I don’t know what is fashion sex. Whatever it is if the partners are happy, let them enjoy it.
Our mind is like a cow. You can leave it free. It will wander, graze everything it gets from grass to fields to paper to rubbish. It is our choice to control it. Yes, cow will be lot happier grazing fields, but if we don’t control it, the owner of the field will beat it to death. Yes, the cow will be lot happier grazing paper and rubbish, but if we don’t control it, it will get diseases and die.
But I talked about marriage and friendship/sex as the basis of marriage. And Raakhi’s program was about marriage.
-TBT
August 7, 2009 at 5:58 pm
The system of arranged marriage within a caste, sub-caste, sub-sub-caste and in many cases amongst nearest relatives comes from getting two people groomed in the same value systems to marry.
You can easily observe that value systems of people in two different castes vary a lot. Hence in those days such marriages were not encouraged.
Though it is not applicable in the modern shrinking world, very often even today people of same case share a lot of similar value systems, though it is not as guaranteed in those days.
Finally either love or arranged marriage, friendship between the couple has to sustain. If not any type of marriage will fail, whether it is in the same caste or religion or outside or Love marriage.
-TBT
August 7, 2009 at 5:39 pm
I talked about Hindu dharma’s views on institution of marriage and sex in the context of Rakhi’s marriage. So why I should I talk about those things that you are mentioning..?
-TBT
August 7, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Happiness does not lie outside us. How many times one marries or changes partner, a person may not get a happy life, if his basic inclination is discontentment.
It does not mean we should remain docile and contended with whatever we get.
-TBT
August 7, 2009 at 12:43 pm
August 6, 2009 at 11:30 pm
For example, it talks nothing of lesbian sex or fashion sex which are a major part of today’s glam world.
August 6, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I like the last paragraph especially because I heard someone say this after a long time in life. I had heard of this moral principle in childhood and today at the age of 50,I get to hear it after a long interval.
Within this period,I have only seen partners betraying each other. My husband did that to me and went away to live with a male friend (I am ashamed to say that). Even my sister cheated her husband and she has married 3 times already. Hope people learn to lead a moral life rather than a sexually stimulating one.
August 6, 2009 at 8:53 pm
The fault is not with Rakhi.
You have to teach your son not to be aspiring to imitate somebody, may they be a cricketer, politician, noble prize laureate, bandit,smuggler etc..
Instead the right approach is to get the good things out of others and use it in our own way.
Your son should learn from this show that yearning affection of people is a great and difficult task. Raakhi has yearnt it in some way. Today she is beautiful. Tomorrow she will not be.
Ask your son to write how all he can earn the affection of people in a sustainable way. Let him think and you can engage him in a discussion on that, rather than trying to become everyone who is successful.
-TBT
August 6, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Hope you read the last few paragraphs.
-TBT
August 6, 2009 at 12:05 am
August 6, 2009 at 12:01 am
August 5, 2009 at 11:55 pm
My 6 year old son accidentally saw this on TV that day, and now he says so frivolously to me-”I WISH I WERE BORN A CHWEET GIRL SO THAT ALL MEN WERE AFTER ME. MOM, CAN YOU MAKE ME A GIRL”?
Please advise me,TheThnkBig. In what way will I now explain my son?
August 5, 2009 at 11:03 pm
After all physical contact between anybody to anybody does not cause any physical injury. But it can cause a lot of mental injury to people.
Right or wrong is all in our views and dimensions. There is nothing defined. Everything is right. Everything is wrong. IN every right there is a wrong. In every wrong there is a right.
The issue is, the current societal structure does not support everybody having sex with everybody. The current evolutionary structure also does not support it, as STD’s become very risky.
No amount of rubber can erase STD or protect from them. They definitely help. But then there is no known 100% protection in the world today, except practising the old values.
-TBT
August 5, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Thanks for ur comments. Well. Internet has little influence in the society today.
Dear Sabrina,
Today Sex is being taught as a physiological function in schools in IX and X std, while cinema, magazines and TV teach kids sex as an emotional function right from their kindergarden.
Hence naturally kids learn sex from TV, cinema and magazines more. They see it as a simple human need like thirst and hunger.
While it is true, the basic fact is that human society evolved in the last few thousand years by channelizing this need between two people (in the institution of marriage) and there are sound evolutionary principles for regulating it.
Hence kids need to be taught about our principles of marriage, friendship and sex as a medium of sharing intimate friendship between couples. They need to be ingrained in a value system explicitly where they channelize, regulate their sexual drives into more useful functions.
In those days Brahmacharya was such a method. We need a modern Brahmacharya mechanism to be taught to students.
-TBT
August 5, 2009 at 7:58 pm
August 5, 2009 at 7:00 pm
But, still, sex is a status symbol for modern society. Everyone,boys n gals, want to appear hot to each other to enhance their lifestyle enjoyment which is not wrong if not entirely immoral. In that respect, why should sex be confined to only a couple? Sex is not just for love, it is a type of power-game as well meant for pleasure and relaxation in the busy world and for gaining many favours. It’s ok to have one marriage spouse to be the best friend, but sex outside marriage(both straight or gay) should not be taboo if it’s done in safe way.
Do u agree TheThnkBig?
August 5, 2009 at 6:46 pm
This shows that some hardware mental skills are lacking in the present young generation. What do you think, TheThnkBig?
August 5, 2009 at 6:37 pm
The media must stop this hype. I fully agree with TheThnkBig. Thanks for the insight. It would be good if bloggers like you could take the lead in reforming this society.
August 5, 2009 at 8:23 am
Thanks for ur comments. I agree with you mostly
-TBT
August 5, 2009 at 8:21 am
If your ‘marriage male partner’ (why is it not your husband..?) is not your first and best friend, then you have not understood the Indian concept of marriage.
Not only Hinduism, even christianity and islam to certain extent base their marriage institutions based on friendship building between man and woman.
If your husband is not your first, best friend, then I think your marriage relationship will not have that juice in it.
-TBT
August 4, 2009 at 11:40 pm
August 4, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Many people in India are also starting to hijack these Western concepts due to such media shows. As a result, adultery,homosexuality,narcissism and rape issues are on the rise. Unfortunately, people these days often toe the media lines and most now think that fulfilling sexual appetite is the ultimate objective of marriage.