At a recent party, an uncle of mine was heard complaining about his wife’s capability to produce telephone bills of amounts far greater than his salary. This set off the other men gathered in the room talking ill of their wives and / or girlfriends. Although there were thousands of complaints from the men at the party, I give you the Top 5 Types of Women Men Cannot Stand, after having keen interviews with friends, and observing certain TV shows (How I Met Your Mother, Gary Un-married, etc):
They are the ones who need to talk to stay alive. Forget Oxygen, heart and definitely forget the brain. If they do not talk, they don’t feel alive. Those men who have had close encounters of this kind, will recognize the following scenario.
Girl calls up the boyfriend at midnight for the routine goodnight kiss – a routine the boyfriend (after a only a month of the relationship) has now come to dread.
Girl: Hello darling, you sound so sleepy? Were you sleeping?
Boy: Oh not at all. How could I possibly sleep without kissing you goodnight!
Girl: How sweet! OK. So Neeta and I watched Devil Wears Prada at her place this evening. It is just such an amazing movie. You MUST watch it. Anne Hathaway is amazing. I’ll tell you the story. The movie starts with this beautiful song Suddenly I See, which I know by-heart, but Neeta hates that song and she forwarded that part. Neeta is such a kill-joy. You know, she skips dessert at meals because she’s like dessert is fattening. I am like EXCUSE ME! I eat dessert all the time. Am I fat?
Boy: panics wondering if he has to answer, but thankfully, the girl is not finished, yet.
Girl: Anyway, if anyone is fat, it is Neeta’s boyfriend, Sonu. And to think that a girl like Neeta would go for him. She could easily get her hands on Sonu’s best friend, Sam. He’s such a hottie, don’t you think? And Sam also has an MBA. God, how I wish I could crack the CAT exam this year at least. It will be my sixth try. Everything looks so easy when preparing, but during the exam it’s like my brain’s gone numb. Oh! talking about brain-numbing, here’s a funny story…
After an hour and a half
Girl: And then I was like laughing helplessly and I was like Girl, you should have gotten pink nail polish, that red one makes your nails look boooringgg! And that’s what happened at the mall today. Oh wait a minute, I was talking about The Devil Wears Prada, wasn’t I? You MUST watch it…
Boy: DIE, WITCH!! DIE! DIE! DIEEEE!!
The Drama Queen
These are the ones for whom every event is HUGE! The Drama Queen is loud, clingy, neurotic, needy, not to mention dramatic. The Drama Queen would throw a huge party for anything ranging from a big promotion to regrowing a fingernail. Nor would she stop from holding funerals for her lost Barbie. They spend hours just sitting and trying to extract double, triple and quadruple meanings out of your simple “I am late. I gotta go to work now”. If you have a drama queen in your life, then you have to be very careful about what you say and do, otherwise you could have situations like the following.
Again the routine midnight goodnight-kiss phone call from girlfriend.
Girl: Hello darling, you sound so sleepy? Were you sleeping?
Boy: Yeah I was sleeping. Gotta get up early for work tomorrow. Big day.
Girl: What!!!! You slept without kissing me goodnight. I knew it! You want to break up with me! (She’s in tears now) You even ended today’s date 30 seconds earlier than usual. I know you want to be with your assistant. How could you do it to me? I love you so much! I have given you all the love you need…
And she weeps on… You get the idea.
The Vanity Box
The name says it all. The Vanity Box woman is a walking, talking vanity box. She has to have loads of make-up on for every kind of event – be it her wedding or visit to the toilet at midnight. Name any kind of cosmetic, and you will find it glued to her face at any time of the day or night. She does not realise that men do not like to get a tasteful of insipid chemicals when they kiss.
And she sits and wonders why she fails at relationships in spite of looking as gorgeous as a dead zombie.
She is obsessed with cleanliness and tidiness. You believe that cleanliness is next to Godliness. However, she believes that cleanliness IS Godliness and makes a whole new religion of it.
You ARE a neat person and you like to stay clean and keep your surroundings clean. But when you return home from a hard day’s work, you just want to kick off those uncomfortable shoes and drop dead in bed. However, you cannot do that with her screaming at you to PUT THE SHOES ON THE SHOE-STAND!!!! and prohibiting you from getting into bed because she just made it for the fifth time that day, she would like the bed-spread to remain wrinkle-free until bed-time AND even till morning if she could help it. Even if she did allow you to get to bed, you would have to fight through the forest of pillows she’s piled up on the bed to “make the house beautiful”.
Constant scrubbing, cleaning, flossing, washing, placing coasters at every possible spot – These are some of her abnormalities.
The Inverted Comma
I was surprised when most people chose this type to be more unbearable than The Narcissist, The Worker Bee and The Cribber.
The Inverted Comma woman is the one who uses her hands during conversations to make – you guessed it right – big inverted commas in the air to emphasize a particular word. What is irritating about that, you ask? Here’s a little demo, a friend gave me.
Girl (talks in a flat tone): Seeta and Sam are having lunch in the cafeteria together.
And she draws inverted commas in the air as she says the word “together”.
The boy raises his eyebrows, nonplussed.
Girl (still in the flat tone): They are together. Like together together.
And she draws the inverted commas again.
Boy (comprehension dawns on him): Oh I know!! Let’s all talk like robots and use our hands to make inverted commas in order to show sarcasm, enthusiasm, love and every other emotion, because intoning with our voice takes so much more effort than raising our hands and drawing inverted commas in the air!
So now that you know the top 5 types of women that men cannot stand, do not assume that all women fall under these categories. Of course, there are some types that men would love to be with like… umm.. like.. you know.. uhh.. Well, let’s put it in the next post, shall we?